Don't Call Me Sweetie

Click here to skip to recipe.

Like most people with a pulse, I love red velvet cake. The texture is so much richer than normal cake, not to mention red is my favorite color. That being said, even I have my limits on the amount of red I can take. Why is red velvet cake red in the first place? Well if anyone really cares, traditionally it wasn’t the vibrant red you see today, it was a darker red produced by the acidic buttermilk bringing out a red-ish chemical in the cocoa powder. La-dee-da, now you know for the next time you’re on Jeopardy. Eventually bakers got lazy and just added red food coloring to make the vibrant red we know and love now. So the moral of that long winded story is; since we’re using food coloring, we can make it whatever damn color we want.

The easiest way to make your own velvet cake is to start with a white cake box mix. GASP! I know what you’re thinking… “You use BOX MIX CAKE?!…For Shame!” Well let me hold the reins while you climb down off your high horse because 1) it’s easier 2) once you add the correct things to it no one will be able to tell, and 3) box mixes have vastly improved in the last several years. If you can’t live with that, there are plenty of other people’s blogs with very complicated recipes you’re welcome to read. If you follow the keep it simple stupid mantra, read on. Your ingredients are one white cake box mix, 1/3 cup vegetable oil, 1 1/4 cup buttermilk, 3 eggs, and 1 Tablespoon unsweetened cocoa powder. The Pillsbury brand white cake is the best. Whichever you use, make sure it says there’s pudding in the mix. Note: The picture shows low fat buttermilk. This is an oxymoron and a crime against cupcakes. Only settle for low fat if it’s the third store you’ve been to and that’s all they have.

Preheat your oven to 325. Yep, that seems low doesn’t it? Just do it. Mix all your ingredients and your food coloring together. If you want blue you have to use about 2 teaspoons of blue and a knife tip’s worth of purple. If you don’t add purple, your cupcakes will turn out turquoise. Which is awesome, but maybe not what you wanted. As always, use the Wilton gels. Two teaspoons sounds like a lot, but you have to overcome the tablespoon of cocoa powder. (Which thanks to the buttermilk and science will try to turn your cupcakes red) Never fear, just use lots and lots of food coloring until you get the desired color. If you’re trying to do a light color, you might have to cut back on the cocoa powder a little or you’ll never overcome the red. I’ve easily made blue, turquoise, purple, green, and maroon. Anything lighter usually ends up with a brown tinge to it.

As you can see above, Sir-Mix-A-Lot has done his job and made beautiful blue batter. Make sure to mix on medium for at least a minute to get all the lumps out and to make sure your gels are evenly mixed.

Next pour your batter into lined cupcake pans. Please, for the love of cupcakes, use foil liners. I don’t care how cute the paper liners are, they look disgusting when they’re baked. They will fade. They will take on the color of the cupcakes. You will eat colored paper chemicals. Probably. The ones you need either say “foil” or “no fade.” Don’t. Use. Paper.

Put those suckers in your 325 degree oven and bake for 19 minutes. I know that seems like an odd amount of time, but I’m an odd girl. Who apparently has an odd oven. Obviously your oven might cook faster or slower than mine so check them sooner the first time you make them. To test if they are done, press the tops with your finger and the cake should spring right back up. Liquid cupcakes need more time; smoking cupcakes were done 6 minutes ago. DO NOT STICK KNIVES AND TOOTHPICKS IN YOUR CUPCAKES! That’s the correct way to test lots of things, but cupcakes aren’t one of them. It isn’t difficult to not stab things. I’m a proud supporter of stab free cupcakes. Once out of the oven remove from pan right away to cool. Hot metal pan + foil liners I made you use = cupcakes that continue cooking if you leave them in the pan. Don’t burn yourself. I use a pot holder and a fork to pop them out quickly without hurting myself.

Let your cupcakes cool completely before attempting to decorate. I recommend icing with my simple buttercream frosting. Cream cheese frosting is traditional, but it’s too rich for my taste. This recipe is a hit, it’s always my go-to because they taste great, and the different colors make them so much fun!

Enjoy!!!

Full Recipe Below: