Don't Call Me Sweetie

Why would anyone name their website DontCallMeSweetie.com? Don’t Call Me Sweetie isn’t meant to sound dramatic or mean. Obviously I realize posting under such a name actually invites people to call me sweetie. It won’t break my heart, so I hate to disappoint you if you thought you were going to be the first one to call me sweetie after hearing the title. The title was chosen for three main reasons.

The first is incredibly simple; I mostly make sweets. Cupcakes and other desserts are my specialty. Sweets. Sweetie. Get it? Sure ya do.

The second is a throwback to a great line in a great movie: AIRPLANE! If you haven’t seen this movie, please reexamine your life. Go find it and watch it right now, I’ll wait…. If you haven’t been living under a rock then you know which part I’m talking about. “Surely, you can’t be serious?” followed by, “I am serious, and don’t call me Shirley.” Man, that’s some classic comedic genius. Even if you have seen the movie, you should probably go watch it. That’s what I’m going to do. Be right back…

…Yep, still as good as ever. You get it though; don’t call me Shirley, don’t call me sweetie. The logic is sound.

The third reason is that I have, on occasion, been called sweetie by someone who was trying to talk down to me. You know the type; “oh, sweetie,” accompanied by a tilted head and a look of faux concern that lets you know they think you’re an idiot.

The story that comes to mind is when I was shopping at an outdoor sports store. I won’t use the actual name of the store, but for story purposes lets call it Goose Hill. I was there purchasing some winter gear and I thought I’d see if they were having any sales on ammunition. I don’t usually buy ammo there because it’s overpriced, but I had a gift card. I located a box of .45 colt ammunition and discovered there was no price so I took the box to the gentleman behind the gun counter. Here is how are conversation went:

Me: “Hi, There was no tag on this, can you tell me how much they cost, please”

Goose Hill Employee: (Scans Item) “Yes those cost (insert astronomical amount here)”

Me: “Oh, wow. That’s more than I was wanting to pay, thanks though”

GHE: (Tilts head and adopts a sad half smile and condescending eyebrow raise) “Well SWEETIE, are you sure you have the correct ammunition here?”

Me: (I match the eyebrow raise but manage to keep holding my head up like a normal person) “Excuse me??”

GHE: (Puffed up) “WELL, it’s just that you have the .45 colt ammo here and I’m guessing you were actually looking for the .45 AUTO ammo. You see, they look similar, but they are very different and the autos actually cost quite a bit less which is maybe why you were surprised when I told you the price.” (At this point he all but gave himself a round of applause for educating my poor helpless self.)

Me: (activating what my friends and family call the death look) “I know they are very different. The Taurus Judge revolver I carry requires the COLT ammo, not the autos! I was surprised by the price because your ammunition is ridiculously overpriced.”

GHE: (Mostly deflated) “Oh, uh, well, yeah, for that gun we would recommend using the colt ammo…”

Me: “Yes, I know, I just told you that.”

GHE: (Clinging to dignity) “This box here is a 50 round box, we sell 25 round boxes that are cheaper…”

Me: “You’re shitting me? Less bullets cost less money? What will they think of next.”

GHE: (Completely deflated) “Do you want me to ring up your other purchases for you?”

Me: (Throws down everything on the counter) “No thanks, SWEETIE, if you want to go ahead and re-shelf this for me, I think I’ll go somewhere where they don’t treat me like a girl!”

With that, I spun on my worn down boot heel and walked out feeling awesome. Of course it was the only outdoor sports store around and I really needed the winter gear. That’s why internet shopping was created, I’m sure of it.

That instance was when I realized how much I truly despised being called sweetie. It wasn’t the actual word, it was the intent behind it. Yes, I’m a girl. No, you may not talk down to me because of it.

All of that being said, the title is meant in good fun. If it offends you, you’re probably not my target audience. If it doesn’t, then feel free to call me sweetie.